The First Step to Creating Healthy Boundaries

Episode Summary:
In this episode of Blasphemous Nutrition, Aimee discusses the importance of setting healthy boundaries to prioritize your health and well-being. She explores how overcommitting and not owning your time can lead to physical and emotional health issues. Aimee provides practical tips for reconnecting with your values, identifying tasks that bring you joy or dread, and delegating or eliminating unnecessary obligations. She emphasizes the need to prioritize your health and vitality by reclaiming your time and energy. Tune in to learn how to create healthy boundaries and live a life aligned with your values.

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Transcript

0:00

Hey Rebels, welcome to Blasphemous Nutrition. Consider this podcast your pantry full of clarity, perspective, and the nuance needed to counter the superficial health advice so freely given on the internet. I'm Aimee, the unapologetically candid host of Blasphemous Nutrition and a double degreed nutritionist with 20 years experience. I'm here to share a more nuanced take. On living and eating well to sustain and recover your health. If you've found most health advice to be so generic as to be meaningless, We're so extreme that it's unrealistic, and you don't mind the occasional F bomb. You've come to the right place. From dissecting the latest nutrition trends to breaking down published research and sharing my own clinical experiences, I'm on a mission to foster clarity amidst all the confusion and empower you to have the health you need to live a life you love. Now let's get started. Welcome back to Blasphemous. Nutrition. I'm your favorite freak of nature, Aimee. And today I'm going to discuss how to take our goals and transform them from a destination we intend to get to. Into a GPS system that can guide you. When we do not own our own time. We're effectively gifting it to whatever takes our attention in the moment. And this might be legit family obligations, work time, and some of it may not be so worthwhile, like social media. Over committing to others who do not invest back in us or taking on more responsibilities, then we may actually need to. Each week in my practice, I work with people who are stretched beyond capacity. They are genuinely invested in their health, but they struggle with the time to implement what needs to happen to actually change the course trajectory of where their health is ultimately headed. So I want to spend some time this month talking about boundaries to you directly, as well as having some guests on who work with others explicitly around boundary setting and talk about how boundaries relate to our physical and emotional health. I have had way too many conversations. The last three to four years. With people who feel backed into such a corner with so many demands upon them, that they have very literally become diseased and ill. Their bodies are struggling under the psychological pressure and physical neglect caused by work and family demands. This month is all about the various ways we can shore up and create boundaries to preserve the precious energy and time that we have and reinvest it back into our health and wellbeing. I want to start with this exercise in reconnecting to what is important to you. When everyone around us is telling us what's important and what needs our attention from your toddler, demanding a snack to your boss, demanding a tight deadline. Be fulfilled. It's really easy to lose sight of yourself. But without an internal compass guiding us we become like a boat in the choppy seas without any sails or gasoline and totally at the mercy of the winds and waves. And then years later we find ourselves. So off course from where we thought we were going, that. It can be difficult to find your way back home again. I don't want that for anyone. I have watched it happen to others multiple times. It is an incredibly tough road. And the time that we lose can never be recovered. But what we can do is begin to reclaim the time that we have left today. The first thing that you need to do is get in touch with your values and what it means to live a life that is aligned with your values and your needs. One of the easiest ways to quickly ascertain this is identify the tasks that fulfill you and energize you. Versus things that fill you with dread lead to procrastination or make your inner child throw a temper tantrum. And there may be some things like preparing your taxes that you simply cannot get out of, but they're also may be creative work around to lessen the burden of essential tasks that can't be dropped altogether. In your phone or better yet on paper, write out the tasks that give you joy and the tasks that suck the life out of you. Recording this inventory gets it out of your head and it allows you to vary. Concretely see the degree to which your life is in balance or imbalanced. For some, it can be quite a shock and rather disheartening to see it all laid out. But again, without really knowing where we are, we cannot clearly find our way out. It is crucial to hold onto the things that are on that list that are in your life, which fill and energize you. If they've fallen to the wayside, make it a point to dedicate some creative energy, to bring them back into your life more often. Fiercely commit to the things in life that give it meaning. And joy. And if you're at a place where you cannot even think of something that you enjoy. Go back to the last memory you have of a productive or leisurely activity. And ask yourself what you could explore. That might be more like that. Maybe you discuss different work possibilities with your manager. Or fire the landscapers because you actually enjoy mowing the lawn yourself. Perhaps you look at what it would require to join a bowling league or a baseball team that was more about fun than competition. Now at this point, you don't need to figure out how to do this. Just entertain the possibility that it can happen. And what it would actually mean to your quality of life and then consider what the logistical demands would be. But right now you're just gathering information of what additional joy. Could potentially look like for you. Next looking at what you dread. You can use your adult brain to determine if the thing that gives you dread is actually serving a value. You hold. Or if it's someone else's value or obligation that you've taken on. Are you taking responsibility for other people's mismanaged time or unreasonable expectations? Are you creating unreasonable expectations of yourself? Such as being able to meet your child's whim whenever they may have one. Are the tasks you dread, something you believe is in the best interest of you and others. Or is it your burden simply because you were asked to do it or you are the best at it? If it is ultimately aligned with your values, it can be put into a category that can be assessed later to explore ways to ease that burden. So that, again, it frees up more time for you to dedicate to your health, your wellbeing, your joy, your quality of life. If it's something that you're doing, that isn't actually aligned with your values. It becomes extremely important to change that situation. Now we can begin by asking. Which of these time commitments are essential. Adulting obviously means doing some things that we don't like, and we can't get out of, but sometimes we take on extra. That's not actually necessary to the wellbeing of ourselves, our loved ones. This might be doing chores that your kids are old enough to take upon themselves. And perhaps now is the time to delegate that responsibility to them. Maybe you volunteer your time to an organization you love because somebody needs to be there. And. You might as well because you are technically available on the calendar, but it ends up leaving you depleted and resentful. Or maybe you say yes to something at work that's ultimately not going to enhance your career trajectory. Not going to contribute to a paycheck, rays. But it was gifted to you because you're the one who can handle it and you willingly take on all the things. Do you have the ability to delegate some or all of the tasks that deplete your energy and time that might be best used for things which add meaning and health to your life. Sometimes the best thing we can do for others is to let them experience the consequences of their actions. Kids need to get the consequences of leaving an assignment at home to empower them to be responsible adults. And if we're always rescuing our teammates at work like children, they will never fully realize what they're capable of or face the consequences of not taking ownership of what was theirs to own in the first place. When you are the rescuer. You trap yourself in a place that can eventually erode your own health and wellbeing. In the long run, that's a disservice to everyone. Like someone I spoke to a couple of weeks ago, said we're not saving babies here. Life carries on. Even when things do not happen, according to expectations. Either yours or other people's. Doing an inventory of joyful activities and dreaded activities. Can help us all better orient ourselves to where we are in life. And begin to question if the status quo needs to be just so. We often have much more ability to change our environment and our quality of life than we think we do at first glance. But we need to be aware of what needs changing and be willing to take the opportunity to ask others for what we need when it might impact them as well. It also often requires support from a couple of key people in your life. Family members, friends, counselors, coaches. Depending on how big your ship of responsibilities is. It's a process also that might take a year or two to fully adjust the course, but it can be done. And it's better to do it on your terms than to have hospitalization due to a health crisis, be the thing that causes a restructuring of how you spend your time. For obligations, which needs to change, but may impact others such as family tasks or work tasks within a team or department. Consider how extra support can be brought in to ease the burden or who else might be fully capable of doing or learning the task that you're looking to offload. Even if perhaps they might not be as good at it as you are. This can be really uncomfortable, but remember, if you were suddenly unavailable for whatever reason, These people would have to be able to figure it out. Anyway, if this were actually an essential task to keep things going. Saying no, or no more can be really unsettling at the very least. Especially in an environment where things are expected to operate at full capacity, with little support. For many of you that harsh reality is your current home life. Or your current work environment. Certainly we are seeing much of this happen in multiple work sectors, which is actually what's prompted this episode. Businesses cut corners to save costs. And then they just throw that extra work on their staff and are finding that they actually just can't churn through staff like they used to because, you know, people aren't out there looking to be the next mule at the plow anymore. But that doesn't mean that you need to drive yourself into the ground, waiting for the economy to find its way out of this mess. You and the company you work for are best served in the longterm. If you can keep things sustainable for yourself and stick around rather than go out in a catastrophic flame of burnout. One of the best ways to get unstuck when it comes to delegating. Is to actually imagine you were taken out of the picture altogether. If there was an incident to happen that necessitated your temporary departure from work, say a heart attack. Uh, family crisis or talking, that's pretty much the, one of the few things that are left deemed as acceptable for work absence. Who's going to pick up the slack. In order of importance from least important to most important. Who could share some of the workload that you do day to day? By having conversations with your team or your management about transitioning out of some of these less crucial tasks on your plate. And at the very least begin by having conversations with your team or your manager about transitioning out of some of these less crucial tasks on your plate. And. Expect some resistance. They're going to be heavily invested in the status quo for as long as they can. And I think a lot of people, whether they are. Just starting out or middle management or upper management. I think a lot of people feel really trapped and are in this place of fight or flight, where there is a lack of creative problem solving happening. Because everybody's being told, this is just how it is. We just have to keep doing this. It won't be like this forever. But there's no exit strategy. Being planned. Right. At least not one that you're hearing about. So. Someone needs to draw the line somewhere. And. It's not worthwhile. For you to be at the sacrificial altar of the shareholders. To keep things going for as long as they possibly can. At the very least draw a firm line in the sand refusing to take on more than you already are. If it's compromising your health, because the trade-off of your health for your career is never worth it. And if that is the reality that you are facing. It needs to be firmly in your mind. That this is the trade off. Every time you are given or expected to take on more than you can reasonably handle. Work with your superiors to make the situation sustainable and do not take no for an answer. I know that's easier said than done, especially if you're in a sector that's experiencing layoffs and your income is essential for your family. Um, I'm not going to minimize that at all. And I also know that first, some of you. You're really looking at the reality of. Your health. And your ability to physically exist and be there for your family. Versus your ability to bring in money to support the family. And. There are very few. Instances of being in a rock and a hard place that are as prevalent as that right now. I don't have the answer for you. Only you have the answer for you. But I don't want you to. I don't want you to continue down this status quo that everybody is expecting you to do simply because everybody's expecting it from everybody else. Humans. As a pack animal and we're pack animals. We're group social animals. Sometimes we do really stupid, bad shit as a group. That we would never consider if it was just us. And it's really hard. It's really hard to hold to your own and take a stand and do what's best for you and your family. If your work culture is pushing against it and your entire company culture is pushing against it. And your friends and coworkers at different companies are all facing the same thing and everywhere you turn, this is how it is. And it seems like there's no way out. There isn't a way out until somebody decides there's a way out. And remember. From a company standpoint. It is actually probably in their best interest to keep you around. Then deal with the disruption and lack of efficiency that comes from a brand new hire. So don't undervalue your importance to them. And be sure to highlight that to them. If they seem to have this momentary lapse of judgment, which they may be inclined to have, because. Most people. If they experienced pushback. From the superiors in their company. We'll just take it. Now when it comes to family matters. Seeking ideas from caregiver groups or parent groups on how they get additional support. Particularly if you don't have family close by that can chip in can be really helpful. If money is not available to hire out, help. Consider alternatives, like sharing a babysitter with another family to reduce those costs. Or trading childcare among yourselves. And if none of these options seem possible. Then think again about what would happen if you were taken out of the equation. If a car accident or health crisis, how do you in the hospital longterm, what would happen? Who would step in and take care of some of those domestic tasks. Would this be a situation where your children would be forced to step up and take on responsibility? For their lives a little bit more. Now don't stay in catastrophic land. Okay. Cause it's a harrowing place to be. I just want you to use that scenario, to think of possible solutions. You might not permit yourself to entertain because, and I'm air quoting here. It's not that bad. But when we minimize bad, because it's not that bad. We inhibit our ability to find creative solutions before things actually become that bad. And this exercise is intended to put a detour in the trajectory of bad. So you never actually get to that, bad. Everybody's challenges. And everybody's solutions are likely going to be very different. And that's why, like, I can't even begin to craft solutions for you here through this medium. Like, as far as I know, there was maybe two people listening to this podcast. So. But what I do hope is that going through this exercise and entertaining some of these possibilities. Can open up doors for you to release some of these. Tasks that ultimately. Take you away from focusing on your health and your vitality. That ultimately do not serve you. Or your loved ones and take stock to reconsider how you can devote more time and energy to your long-term. Well, being. If you are perpetually stretched so thin. That you can not. Access or even have time to eat healthy food. That you have zero opportunities. To get up off of your desk chair and go for a walk. And the only walk you get during the day is to the bathroom and back. Girl, you got to change that. That's not, that's not cool. What. Can be delegated. What could be dropped altogether. To give you even 10 minutes. To go outside and get a breath of fresh air. That's all I'm asking. Just a step. Just a step in the right direction. Because when you start even with the smallest and seemingly most insignificant change. You start to turn the boat in a different direction. You start to catch the wind. By hoisting up a sale simply beginning to take the step. Starts to change the nature of your thoughts, your beliefs, about what you can do. And what you can accomplish. And it really is. I see this time and time again, it really is just these little things that build momentum and build momentum and build momentum. And maybe not tomorrow, maybe not six months from now. Maybe not even this time next year. But eventually. Everything can look completely different. But it will never happen if you do not take those first steps. All right. My friends. Until next time, stay blasphemous by pushing those boundaries and reclaiming your time and your energy to devote and invest back into your own health and wellness. I'll see you next week. Take care. Any and all information shared here is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not to be misconstrued as offering medical advice. Listening to this podcast does not constitute a provider client relationship. Note, I'm not a doctor nor a nurse, and it is imperative that you utilize your brain and your medical team to make the best decisions for your own health. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked to this podcast are at the user's own risk. No information nor resources provided are intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Be a smart human and do not disregard or postpone obtaining medical advice for any medical condition you may have. Seek the assistance of your healthcare team for any such conditions and always do so before making any changes to your medical, nutrition, or health plan. If you have found some Nuggets of Wisdom, make sure to subscribe, rate, and share Blasphemous Nutrition with those you care about. As you navigate the labyrinth of health advice out there, remember, health is a journey, not a dietary dictatorship. Stay skeptical, stay daring, and challenge the norms that no longer serve you. If you've got burning questions or want to share your own flavor of rebellion, slide into my DMs. Your stories fuel me, and I love hearing them. Thanks again for tuning in to Blasphemous Nutrition. Until next time, this is Aimee signing off, reminding you that truth is nuanced, and any dish can be made better with a little bit of sass.